Can't Hold Us Down...

So it all started for me with pop diva extraordinaire Christina Aguilera. She was the reason I spent most of my childhood begging my mother to let me have dreadlocks and a pierced lip. Because that would have looked so good on me. Her song ‘Can’t Hold Us Down’ was released in 2003 and featured some interesting lyrics:

 

‘it's a common double standard of society
the guy gets all the glory the more he can score
while the girl can do the same but yet you call her a whore
 I dont understand why it's okay
the guy can get away with it, the girl gets named
all my ladies come together and make a change
and start a new beginning for us, everybody sing!’

It has also got a strange lady wearing a bikini and an energizer belt gyrating thin air telling us that:

‘if a guy have 3 girlz then hes the man
he can even give her some head or sex her off
but if a girl do the same then shes a whore
but the tables 'bout to turn
i bet my fame on it’

You can find the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg8QgUIKXHw&ob=av3e

The video basically features Xtina stomping around in a really...fetching purple number, touching water hoses inappropriately and telling a load of under nourished human males that if she wanted to be a hoe, she’d damn well be a hoe. She also invites her audience into hoedom and tells them that if we want to be a hoe too, Christina and Lil Kim will have our backs. Now firstly I’d just like to take a minute to say that I’m pretty sure if I sent a letter to Christina telling her that I’d followed her advice, got myself a load of fine male bootay and now everyone was calling bad names and could she please make it stop, she’d tell me to fuck off. Not least because I’ve heard she is a massive cow.

Anyway, Christina obviously has a knack for really deep and meaningful lyrics (See 'Candyman') because this song got me thinking. She’s basically pissed because if a guy manages to bed a load of girls he gets a high five, but if a girl does the same then she’s labelled ‘a whore’. Apparently all girls should be fighting for the right to get laid without getting the label. Christina and Lil Kim are bored of it, and we should be too.

However, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with Christina and let you into a little foolproof scientific study. Now, I’ve only done this scientific study in my head but I reckon if anyone actually bothered to do it, it would prove I’m definitely right. I’m pretty sure once word of this study gets out I’m going to be on track for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Ok so imagine a girl walks into a bar. She’s pretty alright looking, probably nothing special but people don’t try to scratch their own eyes out when they look at her. She’s got some nice heels  on, she’s put on some lipstick, she’s feeling good about herself. So she walks into this bar and, really conveniently the music has just stopped and really conveniently the bar is full of men. She takes a look around before putting on her best ‘slut face’ and shouts ‘WHO HERE WANTS TO TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY. IN FACT, I WANT TO DO IT. FOR FREE. WITH SOMEONE. ANYONE’. What do you think the reaction is going to be? Because I will bet you any money plus my beloved cat that at least one guy is going to turn around and say, ‘yeah ok then’. In fact, I’d expect more than one man trying to take her up on the offer.

Now let’s turn the tables. This time it’s an average looking guy walking into a bar full of women, shouting that he wants to get laid. He has made an effort, and he, too, is full on confidence. I’m pretty sure all he is going to get is a load of strawberry daiquiris to the face. 

I think this scientific experiment just proves that it is so much easier for a girl to get laid than it is for a boy, hence why women who sleep around tend to be known as sluts. They don’t have to put any effort in. Men who want to be sluts actually have to try, and very few of them succeed. It usually requires charisma, intelligence and good humour, whereas with a woman it usually just requires the correct genitalia. Whether Christina wants to admit it or not, it is far easier for a woman to go and do the dirty and the majority of women can have sex on tap if that’s what they want. There is little challenge for women. As much as I’d probably think a guy who has bedded a load of women a bit of a knobhead, I’d have to admit that he obviously has something to him. It is easier for women to be fussier than men, but it is also it is easier for a woman to get laid than a man.

I’m sure Christina would tell me that I’m turning my back on women and she might even try to sit on me (I heard she’s got really fat recently), but I think I’m onto something. Girls, if you wish to go out and ‘get yours’ then that’s up to you, but you have to admit that it isn’t exactly going to be a struggle. Guys, if you want to go get yourself some fine lady muffin then you’ve got an uphill battle, my friend, and all I can say to you is ‘good luck’.

P.S Christina if you are reading this, I was just joking, please don’t sit on me. Also you can’t be mad that I don’t agree with you because you said yourself in your crappy song;

‘so, what am i not supposed to have my own opinion
should i keep quiet just because im a woman?
Call me a bytch cuz i speak whats on my mind
Guess its easier for you to swallow if i saw and smiled’