People Who Don't Vote

People who don’t vote

Instead of this blog being a site for me to cultivate my writing skills and flourish as the writer I have always wanted to be, it has quickly descended into a place for me to bitch about all the things that annoy me in life. In a way this is a good thing because it means I am far less likely to scream in the face of a poor unsuspecting mother with a pram who is just trying to do her weekly shop.

Today I am going to complain about people that don’t vote. I’m not exactly in my Golden Years yet so I’m not what you’d call a ‘seasoned voter’, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to completely and utterly judge the people that don’t. Whenever I come across an imbecile who has decided not to vote I ask them why and I tend to get the same two generic responses:

1.       1. I didn’t know who to vote for

2.       2. One vote doesn’t change anything anyway

Just….gah. ‘I don’t know who to vote for’ is quite possibly one of the lamest things I have ever heard anyone say apart from ‘I’ll take the McDonalds salad, please’. Apparently unless it is spoon fed to these people, they have no interest in having a say over the people who are going to be running their God damn country. If you are reading this, you have some way of accessing the internet. One of the craziest things about the internet is that it isn’t actually limited to ‘Facebook’, ‘Twitter’ and ‘Hotmail’ (and my blog, obv). It may come as a surprise to some of you but there is actually a wealth of knowledge out there that is just waiting to be unlocked. How about closing that facebook browser for just five sodding minutes and taking a trip down Google-lane to see what’s going on with the whole ‘people in power’ thing. Pretty simple solution to the problem. But we all know that isn’t the real reason you aren’t voting. It isn’t because you ‘don’t know who to vote for’, it’s because you can’t be bothered to find out.

Now onto the people that claim ‘one vote doesn’t change anything anyway’. This is a statement so ridiculous that I can only assume that the person saying it must have temporarily lost their sanity and are pretending they live in ‘opposite world’ for the day. That, or they are utter morons. The whole point of voting is that everyone gets a say. Each vote counts. No one vote is worth more than the other. To quote pervy M. Jackson, ‘it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white’ (or female/male, gay/straight, religious/non-religious, Pepsi drinker/Coke drinker). Par exemple, in the US Presidential election of 1876, Hayes beat Tilden by 1 electoral vote. One measly vote that ‘didn’t change anything’….except it did. One vote absolutely does count and if anything it should especially count to you because it is your chance to change something. I don’t know if you people think that you put your ballot card in and there is a tiny troll inside that little post box eating it, but I can assure that is not the case. Whatever you wrote on that card will be accounted for. I promise. You can punch me if we ever find out there is a ballot-eating troll. In the face.

The people that tend not to vote actually seem to be the people that complain the most which is absolutely fucking ridiculous. I hear ‘Ohh, we’re well and truly in the shitter because of this Government’, ‘Ohh if I could sort this country out in a second, ‘Ohh all those politicians are just out for themselves’. Just stop. Hold on. You are complaining because things aren’t going the way you want them to/you think you know a better way of running the country then the present party in power/you don’t like the people that are making decisions for you. Well there was a bloody prime time to sort out all those grievances and instead of getting up off your arse and having a say, you sat back and decided to complain.

Don’t like the NHS? Shut the fuck up. Think your University education should be free? Shut the fuck up. Don’t like how much you are taxed? Shut the fuck up. Angry because your town is being overrun by Asdas and Tescos? Shut the fuck up. You had your chance to try and change all the things that you love to complain about ‘down the pub’ on a Friday evening and you didn’t. So shut. The. Fuck. Up. (and please vote in the next election!)

4 Kinds of People Who Annoy Me

Women with prams

I genuinely think that the only people that aren’t pissed off by women with prams are women with prams. For unknown reasons, these women seem to think that just because they have a brat-mobile they have the right of way. Everywhere. Shops, lifts, buses. This belief seems to go to the extent that they will use their child as a weapon against anyone who gets in their way. They will literally fire those prams towards you and expect you to move. Bitch, please. These women are so lucky that I am not the type of person to roundhouse kick a child but my point is, they don’t know that. They are willing to launch their little prides of joy at you in order to grab that last pack of chilli heat wave doritos without giving a moment’s thought to the actual possibility that, just maybe, you won’t move. And you just know that these are the kinds of women who are going to start hollering about ‘the police’ and ‘suing’ and ‘GBH’ just because little Jimmy happens to have a foot print on the side of his face. Hope the doritos were worth it.

Men who wait until they are outside the toilets to do up their flies.

Seriously guys, what the hell. Have you noticed that there are separate areas for women to go to the toilet and men to go to the toilet? Noticed there are signs on the door just in case you can’t read? If you’re blind, you may even have noticed little braille signs saying ‘GIRLDEM ONLY’ or ‘GUYDEM ONLY’ (sort of)? Yeah, the reason for that is because girls don’t actually want to see what you men are doing in there. I’ve occasionally had the displeasure of catching a glimpse of the insides of a men’s toilet and I must say I am scarred. I won’t go into details on here but I’m sure everyone is aware of the smell that lingers around that door. I just have images of men comparing the sizes of their thingys, using the urinals for things they shouldn’t be used for and smearing unsavoury things on the walls. I never want to go into that place. Nor do I ever want to see anything that implies you may have been doing any of the above. We all know you went to that room to do a number 1 or a number 2, but you don’t need to shove it in our faces by waltzing out of there doing up your flies and giving us a big, content sigh.

People who complain just for the sake of complaining

I’ve been a waitress for a number of years but had to quit due to the fact I was going to beat the shit out of the next customer who complained to me. I don’t have a problem with people that have a legitimate complaint to make. I would argue that, yes, pouring an entire beer down one customers back probably did warrant a small complaint and a free dinner. As did the customer who ended up with his pizza on his lap. However, I take serious issue with people that complain because they know it’ll get them something for free.

One of the most annoying customers I ever had was a man who looked like the slimier version of Nick Griffin. He started by staring at my chest for a good 3 minutes (sorry mate, you’re not going to find a lot there) before ordering a starter platter. All for himself. Which is just greedy. He got about 4/5 through his fatman starter before calling me over to tell me he’d ‘found a pube in his food’. From the outset this seemed wildly unlikely because I’m 100% sure the chefs didn’t cook in the nude, but he was adamant that this hair was a pubic one. I’d also like to point out that the chef on duty that night was bald. I’m not saying I know if he was bald ‘down there’, but since it obviously was not a down there hair, it had to have come from someone’s head, and it wasn't the chefs. I’d also like to point out, this slimy little twit had a really attractive mass of wiry, coarse, brown hair sprouting from his head. And his eyebrows. And his nose. And probably his ears.

Basically, it was clearly his own bloody hair that he’d malted into his own bloody food. But instead of acknowledging that yes, he was a hairy douchebag and yes, the chef who cooked his food was bald, and yes, the waitress who brought him his food was blonde, he decided to kick up an almighty fuss and get all his food for free. What. The. Hell. I wanted to take him by the nose hair and smash his face into the remainder of his stupid sharing platter which, coincidentally, he’d eaten all the best bits of before complaining. Prick.

People who chew parts of their own body.

There is a girl in one of my seminars who eats her own hair. I kid you not. She literally sits there and eats her own frickin’ hair. And if that isn’t bad enough, instead of just….swallowing, she’ll sit there and use it as some kind of floss for her teeth. I can hear her tongue rolling around her mouth, making sure that piece of hair touches all corners of her mouth. It is literally all I can do not to throw up on her. Whenever she sits next to me my heart sinks because I know I’m going to get an hour of hair munching and as much as I try to ignore it I just can’t.

She also bites her nails. FILTHY, FILTHY HABIT. Everyone knows that all kinds of germs are hangin’ around under your nails so why the hell would you want to put that anywhere near your mouth? She then chews these nails for a bit before spitting them out. On the floor. She is asking for me to do a murder to her. This also goes for people that chew the skin off the sides of their nails and then eat it. Self-cannibalism ain’t sexy, people.

I could literally write about this topic all frickin’ night, but I’m also enraged by people who moan that they haven’t had enough sleep when they have no reason to still be awake so instead I’m going to bed. Ciao!